I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
