What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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