she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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