The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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