When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize