Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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