We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
