Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
