found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
