it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
