Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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