my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
