we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm getting married
To pizza
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
