I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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