She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize