I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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