How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
