# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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