I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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