but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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