I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
