mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
