around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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