So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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