you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently you make a good broom.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
