So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
