i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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