we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
