It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
