Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
