I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
