This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
