So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
