You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize