she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
