he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
