i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
