Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
