I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize