Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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