Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
