We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i believe in u and ur pee
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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