is your mom at the bar?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
