Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
