sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You may now shotgun with the bride
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
