If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize