I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
