It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
