im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
