I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
