She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
