The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
