And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
