Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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