He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
