don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need a beard to bite.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
