No stitches, just platelets and will power
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
