True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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