God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
