She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
