I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
