I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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