I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
