I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
